There are no facts, only interpretations.

2011-06-22T19:17:00.001-04:00

Panic! at the Disco - Vices and Virtues

2011-03-14T22:51:00.003-04:00

YAY ANOTHER LIVEBLOG

I'm about to hit play on Panic! at the Disco's new album, Vices and Virtues, which is streaming on their facebook now. It officially releases on March 22nd.

Aaaand here we go...

1. The Ballad of Mona Lisa: I've loved this song from the very first listen. It seems like a much more natural progression from Fever than Pretty. Odd. ever was. Not that I don't love Pretty. Odd. because I do...it's just that it was so different from Fever that it almost seemed like a completely different band. Anyway, back to the song. I LOVE the drumbeat and the theatricality of the song. The chorus wins everything ever.

2. Let's Kill Tonight: Ooh, lots of 80s throwback sounds. Love the synth...it's really reminding me of a-Ha. Again, I love that this sounds like the natural progression from Fever. Lyrics are awesome: "show em all you're not the ordinary type" So much love for the "ohhh"s in the bridge.

3. Hurricane: Not even 30 seconds in and I can already tell this is going to become one of my car-dancing songs. LOVE the lyrics! Not so sure about the synth sounds in this one though...I'm not sure it fits. Very strong chorus...Brendon's voice is pretty much perfect. I feel like this song would have fit in very well with Fever, even more than the first two songs. I love the background gang vocals, which is usually something I hate unless AFI is doing it. XD Also love the abrupt ending...very fitting for the song.

4. Memories: I like how even though there is a lot of synth and another very strong drumbeat, Brendon's voice takes center stage. It's a gorgeous song and I don't think it would be as beautiful as it is if the music was even a tiny bit louder. LOVE the lyrics, again...it seems like a very personal song for Brendon, and it just makes it that much more perfect. Just...I have nothing negative to say about this song. I have chills...and maybe a few tears. (For the record: I actually listened to this one three times before I could move on to the next song. I love it so so so much.) // On the third listen, it struck me that Brendon's lyrics are much more straightforward than Ryan's were. I really like that.

5. Trade Mistakes: This is the first one that reminds me of Pretty. Odd. and after the perfection that is Memories, this one is kind of a let-down. It's pretty, but I don't really like the strings at the beginning, and the chorus is a little bit shouty. Love the lyrics though...Brendon is seriously hitting me right in the heart with this album. Oh...I like the second repeat of the chorus much better...maybe I just needed a bit of time to get used to the pacing of the song? I don't know, but the longer it goes, the more I like it. Except for the strings.

6. Ready to Go (Get Me Out of My Mind): This is a fun-sounding song. I love the ups and downs of Brendon's voice. Again, I really like the almost electronic 80s throwback sound to the music. This song is a great fusion of the in-your-face-ness of Fever and the laid-back almost melancholy Pretty. Odd.

7. Always: Brendon's voice is perfection. This song reminds me so much of the best parts of Pretty. Odd. I like the quieter, almost stripped down feel, even though I don't really think it fits well with the rest of the album so far. I can feel my attention wandering a bit, actually, which means this will probably be one that I'll skip unless I'm in the exactly right mood to listen to it. I can see myself putting it on my relaxation playlist though.

8. The Calendar: Ooh, fun synth sounds again. Love the lyrics - "there is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends" - it's pretty obvious he's writing about the band. This has the potential to be one of my favorites. It's packed full of synth, but it's not overpowering or distracting.

9. Sarah Smiles: Woah, this is different! It actually reminds me of My Chemical Romance's "You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison," which is definitely one of the most awesome songs ever. I like it, but I don't love it...I feel like there are too many styles clashing and, instead of it magically working like it normally does for P!atD, it doesn't quite mesh together.

10. Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met...): ...Culture Club? Seriously, the beginning of this song reminded me so much of Do You Really Want to Hurt Me I actually started singing it. The song switches gears pretty quickly though. It feels a little discordant, which may be the point, but I'm not sure I like it. There's too much going on, and I feel like I can't get a good feel for the song.

Overall impressions:
--OMG LOVE LOVE LOVE Brendon's lyrics. Seriously. They're awesome, even in the songs I don't care for as much.
--LOVE the synth. Seriously, I'm such a sucker for 80s music and I can hear the 80s influence all over this record.
--This album has the potential to become my favorite Panic album, which is saying something, because I had Pretty. Odd. in my cd player for months on end.

Josh Groban - Illuminations

2010-11-13T15:43:00.004-05:00

So I got my hands on a leak of Josh Groban's new album, "Illuminations." I've already listened to it once, so this isn't really a live-blog as such, but whatever...it's the same concept.

My first impression of the album was that it's not as good as his others. I'm a huge fan of his, and he's one of the very few artists that I will actually spend money on, so when I didn't really like the front half of the new album, I was a bit disappointed. The back half is definitely better though. It just comes off as more cohesive, and the songs of the last half are less wordy and focus more on his incredible voice, rather than how many words he can string together in one breath.

Anyway, on to my song-by-song feelings:

1. The Wandering Kind (Prelude) -- It's very...Irish? I don't know. Pretty, but no vocals, which is interesting. There hasn't been a track with no vocals on any of his previous albums (not that I can think of off the top of my head, at least). Seeing as this is November and I'm participating in NaNoWriMo, I immediately thought that this song would do great as a background for writing.

2. Bells of New York City -- This is the first song I actually don't really like. It's pretty, don't get me wrong, and Josh's voice is phenomenal as always, but the song is just a little too...wordy, I guess...and it throws off the flow of the song for me. I like the almost haunting quality of the music, though. You can also tell right away that this is what Josh meant by this album being very personal for him - "Stay with me, stay with me, a refuge from these broken dreams" is one of the lyrics that stood out for me.

3. Galileo (Someone Like You) -- The first thing I thought about this song was that it reminded me of "Starry Starry Night" from Josh's first album. Again, the preoccupation with lyrics almost overpowers the gorgeous voice, but it's not as bad as the previous song. Also, despite this song being quite literally about Galileo, I can tell the message has deeper meaning for Josh, especially in the chorus. Some of the rhyming made me giggle too. Gorgeous high notes.

4. L'Ora Dell'Addio -- Very pretty. This is the first song where I didn't feel like the lyrics were rushed (that might just be because I can't understand them though, lol). I love listening to him sing in Italian. It's a very sweeping song...I feel like it should be in one of those moving scenes in a movie, like Annie Lennox's "Into the West" in Lord of the Rings was in the scene with the lighting of the beacons.

5. Hidden Away -- This is one of the ones Josh released in the lead-up to the album. I've loved everything about it from the first listen. Again, we hear just how personal these songs are for Josh. Nothing more to say - this is absolutely one of my favorites.

6. Au Jardin Des Sans-Pourquoi -- And right after one of my favorites comes one of my least favorites. I just don't like the way French sounds when sung. It just sounds messy and almost like Josh is singing through his nose, which I haaaaate. Not a big fan of the music on this one either.

7. Higher Window -- LOVE. This is another one that was released before the album was. I listened to it about 20 times in a row when I first downloaded it. "Here I am, the one man band, with a song that's meant for two" - again, so personal. You can definitely tell why Josh has said this is the album that has meant the most to him. "Just don't tell me that it's too late for me to love you" - lyrics like this make me want to fly to New York, find him, and just squish him into a giant hug. This is when I realized just how disappointed I was in the rest of the album so far, though...my two favorites so far were both songs that had been released already, and I hate it when I buy an album and realize I only like the singles.

8. If I Walk Away -- And of course, as soon as I expressed my disappointment to anyone who would listen at the time I first listened to the album (my dog...omg my life is fail), I came to a song that wasn't previously released, but that I loved. It's another one that's heavy on the lyrics, but it doesn't seem as forced as the others. Also, this line - "If I walk away, please follow me" - oh my god, Josh Groban is in my brain! The music is so so pretty too. Like the first song, it almost has a folk-Irish kind of feel to it that I love. So so pretty, and Josh's voice is epic.

9. Love Only Knows -- I'm actually pretty ambivalent about this one. It's pretty, of course, but it's almost too personal. I don't dislike it, but I don't love it either. The chorus is my favorite part. This one has a more "pop" feel to it than I'm used to from Josh Groban. I'll probably end up skipping this one a lot...or not remembering it at all.

10. Voce Existe Em Mim -- This is the only pre-released song that I didn't love. I like it, don't get me wrong, but Higher Window and Hidden Away are definitely better. Like in some previous songs, there is a kind of haunting quality to the music, and again, it's got a more "pop" feel to it. This one reminds me a lot of what he did with a lot of the songs on "Awake," in that the music takes on a very epic feel.

11. War at Home -- This one hits hard. Gorgeous, but hard to listen to. I cried the first time I listened to it. It has a stronger drum too, which is interesting in a Josh Groban song. My only complaint is that sometimes it feels like the music overpowers Josh's voice. Beautiful end notes.

12. London Hymn -- Very Catholic-church chorus feel. Not sure if I really like it...it reminds me of the couple songs at the end of his first release that I always skip. It makes me sleepy. It's very short, too...less than 2 minutes.

13. Straight to You -- This song is slow and building, but again, it has this weird choral feel to it that I'm not a fan of. I do really like the lyrics of this one, though.

Overall grade: B-

2010-10-11T22:58:00.003-04:00

NaNoWriMo is just around the corner and, um, I haven't even named my main character yet. I think this year I'm going to go in blind and see where it takes me. Literally the only thing I've decided about this year's challenge is to write a series of interconnected short stories instead of attempting another novel. My attention span is so short, so I always lose interest in my plot about halfway through November. I'm hoping short stories are the solution.

In other news, work sucks. I have no RL. My online friends are infinitely better than my RL friends.

Speaking of online friends, I met some of them at my two Adam Lambert shows last month AND I LOVE THEM ALL. Kendra is pretty much exactly how I pictured her...tiny and loud and hilarious! Akemi is the same way...so much fun. Earleen surprised me with how quiet she is, but omg she's so funny when she gets going. I had never talked to Meredith online before I met her at the first show, but she is amazeballs. And Ashleigh is basically me in another body. I love her to pieces.

The shows were fucking amazing. That man's voice is absolutely unreal.

That's all. Short attention span strikes again.

My ~list~

2010-07-26T21:31:00.002-04:00

LIST OF PEOPLE I'D HAVE SEX WITH, NO HESITATION, NO CONVERSATION NECESSARY

1. TommyJoe Ratliff: 28; Bassist for Adam Lambert

2. Mat Devine: 36; Lead singer for Kill Hannah

3. Hunter Burgan: 34; Bassist for AFI

4. Orianthi: 25; Singer/guitarist

5. Josh Groban: 29; Singer

Stupid Things You Might Not Know About Me

2010-07-26T00:24:00.002-04:00

1. I'm stupidly obsessed with the Weather Channel.

2. I looove making lists.

3. It's really hard for me to get attached to something for the long-term. Like, I get a lot of obsessions for the short term, but after a couple months, the love for it fades and I don't care anymore. Very few of my likes have ~stood the test of time~.

4. In the same vein, I'm absolutely terrible at keeping in touch. Unless it's by text message or Facebook. I'm too lazy to write an email/leave a voicemail/talk to someone on the phone. Plus, I'm kind of weird in that I never really miss anyone enough to make the effort. That sounds terrible, but it's true. :X

5. I think I might love my dog more than I love my younger brothers.

6. I'm relatively sure my mom thinks I'm a lesbian.

idk I was bored

Stupid Things I'm Irrationally Proud Of

2010-06-30T11:04:00.002-04:00

1. I can lick my elbow...seriously. My tongue is obscenely long.

2. I can totally walk in a straight line when I'm trashed. I can also close my eyes and touch the tip of my nose. I'm a pretty coherent drunk...in real life, at least. I don't think that translates to text messages/tweets. ;)

3. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue.

4. I know every single fucking word of "Baby Got Back."

5. To go along with #2, despite my ~air of innocence~ in RL and my shortness, I will drink you under the table.

6. I once pee'd for a full minute and a half, nonstop. It was ridiculous.

2010-06-08T13:15:00.002-04:00

Cassidy Haley is an independent, singer-songwriter from Los Angeles. His new CD, The Fool, comes out on July 13. His music is a mix of pop and modern acoustic rock. The Fool is a groundbreaking, captivating album. His fans are spreading the word about The Fool so it can be heard by as many people as possible. Generating interest and publicity are important. Sharing the music is essential.

That means pressing at least 2,000 CDs, printing thousands of promotional posters and postcards to distribute and creating more opportunities to get the word out about Cassidy and his music. Since he’s a completely independent musician, the money for these needs is scarce.

Please visit http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cassidyhaley/give-the-fool-the-wings-to-fly for an opportunity to help The Fool be successful. Kickstarter.com provides an easy place for fans to support their favorite artists, like Cassidy, by making a donation and earning some really cool rewards. Pledge just $30 and get an autographed, early release copy of The Fool!

Plus, the person whose donation gets the total to $4,000 or above gets a signed lyric sheet of their choice. The person who gets it to $4,500 or above gets a "mystery package" full of goodies and a signed lyric sheet. And the person who makes the pledge that gets it to the final $5,000 mark will get the choice of having a song written about them by Cassidy Haley or having him cover a song they'd like to hear!

Please, donate today and know that you are supporting a creative, talented artist and making the musical landscape a more beautiful place for everyone. For more information about Cassidy Haley and to hear his music, please visit www.cassidyhaley.com.

Update, part 2

2010-05-30T16:41:00.002-04:00

I went to see my biological father yesterday. It went better than I expected. I did not lose my mind and scream and yell, as I feared. I also did not cry, as I also feared. He looks good, he sounds good, and, most importantly, he sounds sincere. I plan on keeping in touch with him, but it's a little too late for him to be a dad, you know? Which I think he's pushing for. I'm almost 23 years old, though, I don't really need a ~guiding influence~ anymore. Anyway, I hope things continue to improve. That is all.

UPDATE

2010-05-23T19:57:00.003-04:00

So. It was legit. The whole thing.

Aunt Teri called the guy who emailed me and told him to have my father come to her at the police station (she's the aunt who's a cop). AND HE DID. She said he came the same afternoon and they talked for about 30 minutes.

This news sent me into a tailspin. It opened up this huge can of worms.

My father also called his brother and his mother, both of whom were cautious but got a good feeling about the whole thing. I'm still freaked out, but I'm meeting with him in 6 days, so we'll see what happens.

wtf wtf wtf

2010-05-18T21:12:00.003-04:00

I got a Facebook email last night from someone claiming to be a friend of my father's. My biological fathers. Who I haven't seen or spoken to since I was 11. The end of our relationship was really traumatic for me and I held a grudge for a looong time about it. I did get over it, eventually, but I have no desire to put myself through that kind of ordeal again. It's because of that whole mess that I have a hard time putting trust in people. Sooo, I ignored the email.

This morning, I got another one, saying this guy has been a friend of my father's for 20 years and that he's been trying to find me. I was suspicious. My mother had never heard of this guy and neither had my grandmother (my father's mother) or my uncle (my father's brother), both of whom I'm still in touch with. So I asked this guy how I could be sure he was legit. He came back with my dad's name, my hometown, and my mother's maiden name, along with a phone number I could call to get in touch with my father. He gave me a sob story about how he just lost an older brother who was in the same situation (he was estranged from his son until just before his death, it was messy and sad, he didn't want to watch anyone else have to go through that).

I freaked. I don't really have any desire to speak to my father. I have an amazing stepdad that I wouldn't trade for the world, number one. Number two, like I said before, I do not want to potentially put myself back in a position to be hurt emotionally so completely that I was physically sick. HOWEVER. There are things that have gone on with his family that I feel like he should really know about. His dad died, for crying out loud, and nobody could find him to tell him. Also, his brother is married and has four kids. My father doesn't even know he has nieces and a nephew, for fuck's sake.

So anyway, my mom called the number this guy gave me. She talked to said "friend" for a few minutes, then he says my father just pulled up. They talk for a few minutes and she gets a funny look on her face and she looks at me and mouths that she doesn't think this is him. Mom and I are both naturally suspicious, so she asks him to prove it's him. He couldn't name their anniversary, the name of their dog, or where they'd lived. She hung up on him.

We discussed and decided that maybe this guy that's been emailing me does know my father, but it was definitely not him on the phone. I don't really know if this guy is trying to do a good deed by reuniting us, or if he was really legitimately trying to find me for my father, or if he's just a random creeper who has some weird scam going on. I passed the information on to an aunt who's a cop and my uncle, who's a computer whiz, and now I'm in a holding pattern until I hear from them. My gut is telling me that this guy is trying to find me in some kind of attempt to reunite me with my father, thinking he's going to be overjoyed that someone has found me. If that's the case, I think it's going to end badly, because I don't really want a relationship with my father and I don't think he wants a relationship with me.

idk, I feel like I've been riding an emotional rollercoaster for a week and I haven't been able to stop randomly crying all day. Which is stupid, because I'm not conflicted or anything about what I'm going to do/say. idk, I just had to get it all out somewhere

AFI RECAP - March 15, 2010

2010-03-19T23:35:00.003-04:00

I fail so hard at writing recaps, seriously. It was getting ridiculously long, so I decided to scrap the whole thing and just wing it. :|

If you all don't want to read my insanely long bullet pointed list of awesome, you can go HERE TO MY FACEBOOK to look at my pretty pictures. :)

--My GPS sucks and wasn't recognizing the detours in Jacksonville. I am a stubborn bitch, so I drove around in circles for about 15 minutes before I stopped to ask for directions.

--Jessica, my fellow DFer who I agreed to pick up and drive to the concert, turned out to be pretty awesome...and totally not a serial killer. ;)

--Got to the venue early, so we went to the beach and out to eat first

--There was a guy playing the bagpipes on the beach. He was awesome.

--Line bonding was fun. The three people in front of us and the three people behind us were all fun times.

--Had a lovely, in-depth AFI discussion with the girls and one guy behind us. I love discussions like that with other serious fans. <3

--Lots of people to make fun of: crazy lady (she was walking around in socks, carrying shoes, and talking to herself), AFI tear girl (she had written "AFI" on her cheek just below her eye and flinched whenever Jessica looked at her), the drunk girls in the car that kept circling the block (at one point, one of them got out and gave the guy at the front of the line a note, middle school "check yes or no" style), the guy that was stalking the tour bus for autographs...the list goes on and on.

--There was no DF line, but I was fifth, so it really wasn't a big deal. I still ended up on the barricade, halfway between Hunter's mic and Davey's mic.

--Scarlet Grey didn't suck as bad as I thought they would. They're very pop-punk though. I loved the bassist's argyle sweater, and I liked their very last song (Pirate Song? IDK, something like that).

--The Loved Ones were good. Dave Hause (I have no clue if I'm spelling his name right and I can't be bothered to look it up lol) is hilarious, but I have the feeling I would hate him if I knew him in real life.

--Dave of The Loved Ones called out a girl who was texting at the rail of the upper balcony. It was hilarious and kind of arrogant at the same time. Like, 90% of the crowd didn't really care about The Loved Ones, so of course people were going to be doing other things. Ah well.

--First fight happened during The Loved Ones. Two girls got into it in the middle of the crowd.

--Dave said we were more awesome than the last two shows. \O/

--The last song The Loved Ones played was the best, but I can't remember what it was called. Can someone help me out?

--AFI! I got *crushed* against the barricade.

--Davey sounded kickass! He had nail polish on! \O/ (No lip ring though.)

--Davey totally flipped into the crowd at one point. The whole place went fucking insane. I had Davey fucking Havok on top of me. Oh yeah.

--There were apparently some asshole jocks in the back that kept flipping Davey off, so he called them out. The crowd roared in disapproval and we pretty much turned as one to return the favor. I wish I could remember exactly what Davey said, because it was fucking ace (something about him being the only faggot they're gonna see on stage tonight).

--Security was fucking incompetent. Half the time, the people on the barricades had to make sure the crowdsurfers didn't go headfirst over the barricades because security couldn't catch them.

--Also, at one point, I *felt* the barricade move forward. It was fucking scary, but it only moved maybe an inch.

--Smith's panic-face when Davey went into the crowd was priceless!

--There was another fight just as they were starting "On the Arrow." They stopped and Davey said something to the effect of, "We can't play this while people are fighting. That would be weird." LOL FOREVER

--BEST FUCKING SHOW I'VE EVER BEEN TO.

--After the show, I peeled off my outer shirt and headed to merch. Bought the shirt listing the tour dates instead of the DF-exclusive one (I thought it was ugly :|), then headed outside to the bus.

--Only Adam came out, which was cool because he was the only one I didn't meet in Atlanta. We did wait around for a looong time in the cold, though. I didn't leave until 2 am.

--It's legit a miracle that I didn't crash my car on the way home. I was so exhausted I was hallucinating. I almost ran off the road twice.

And now, I'm only just coming out of my post-show crash. It was seriously the best, most intense show I've ever been to, but it was also the worst post-show adrenaline crash. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. My upper right arm is bruised to the muscle, there are fingerprint bruises all over both arms, and I even have bruises across my back and ribs. On top of that, I've had to work every day this week, so there was no opportunity to just chill and heal. I'm still not back at 100%, but I'm getting there. For all that whining, though, it was completely worth it and I would absolutely do it again. :)

Restlessness

2010-01-24T14:08:00.002-05:00

I've been so restless for the last couple weeks. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck, but I can't find another job.

I'm also tired of having the responsibility of making sure my brother gets to school. I'm tired of basically taking over the "parent" role. I get that we're all older now and we don't really need parental supervision, but it would be nice if my mother wasn't gone all the time. It would be nice to actually have a legitimate conversation with her again, without her going off on a tangent about my stepfather.

IDK, I need to get out of here, but it comes back to money issues. I can't find a full-time job, so I can't start saving money, because I'm barely paying my bills with the money from my current job.

Don't mind me, I'm just in a weird mood today.

I fail at blogging

2010-01-16T12:34:00.003-05:00

Jesus, I should really use this more often. :| I'm such a Twitter addict, though, that I'm at the point where, if it takes longer than 140 characters, I very rarely have the inspiration to actually type it all out. This is sad.

I'm going to see AFI again on March 15th. I'm so fucking excited! :D

I'm steadily getting more and more irritated with my family. Everyone is always bitching at each other and it's never quiet at my house. It's pretty sad when the only peace I get is when I'm at work...in a restaurant.

Cassidy Haley will (hopefully!) be in Atlanta on April 25th. This means I better start saving now so I can go see him. I think he's an amazing artist, and who knows when I'll get another opportunity to see him live?

My New Year's Eve turned out to be kind of lame. I went to a party at a friend/coworker's house, but it turned out to be not really my scene at all. Plus, I got hit on by a 57 year old. DNW. :|

Adam Lambert. Have I mentioned how much I love him? It's really kind of ridiculous. He's one of the only people in the world that has such an impact on me. I was watching his Fuse interview a few days ago and they showed his American Idol audition and I just burst into tears. I mean, this guy, this flamboyant, open, in your face, amazing singer was on American Idol. Like, what the fuck? It gives me hope that we're travelling in the right direction...slowly, but surely.

I guess that's all for now...

For Your Entertainment

2009-11-23T19:15:00.003-05:00

Did anyone else watch the AMAs last night? I was severely unimpressed with pretty much everyone and everything.

The things I wasn't disappointed with:
-Kelly Clarkson. Her voice is phenomenal.
-Carrie Underwood. Same reason, even though I think she's a little too big for her britches and a little too stuck up.
-Green Day, despite Billie Joe's bum note about halfway through.
-Green Day winning the award they were up for. It was the only award I wasn't disappointed with.
-Adam Lambert. Oh god, Adam.

Seriously, I love Adam. It's kind of ridiculous how much I love him. I was a little worried about his AMA performance, not gonna lie, because it was the first time people outside the Idol bubble have really, really heard him. He fucking blew me away. I was flat on the floor laughing in glee by the end of that performance. God. It started out pretty tame, even with the men on leashes. But then...he grabbed a male dancer's face and pushed it into his crotch! And gyrated! That made me jump off the couch and go, "Holy shit, did he really just do that?" And then. And THEN. He fucking made out with his twinky little bassist/keyboard player. (His name is Tommy Ratliff, if anyone cares.) Jesus Christ. That put me on the floor, giggling like a schoolgirl. It was so fucking hot, I can't even tell you. All that was going through my mind was, "Oh my God, Adam just made out with another guy on live national television."

Yeah, I know he's getting a shitload of negativity for it, but he's also getting a lot of positive feedback and he's converting new fans that otherwise may not have given him the time of day because he was on American Idol. I think it'll balance out in the end, and in the meantime, he accomplished what he set out to do: get people talking.

I will end this post with this statement...

FUCK, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!! <3>

Additions to my last blog

2009-11-22T14:25:00.003-05:00

So...I was obviously more interested in posting the pictures from the Atlanta AFI show than I was about actually re-capping the concert experience. :) Here are some interesting/funny stories about the concert itself.

--Dave Hause threw a tamborine into the audience to some girl who obviously had no fucking clue what to do with it. He basically had to kind of teach her to play it. Then, when he told her to throw it back onto the stage, she threw it AT HIM. LOL, fail.

--Davey Havok called us "fucking awesome." Twice. :D

--I have never in my life waited after a concert to meet the band. I did this time. It was fucking cold, and I was already sick, but I love these guys so much!

--Jade came out first and sped through the line of about 100-ish people in about 20 minutes, but he was very sweet and tried not to ignore anyone.

--Hunter stopped and talked to pretty much everyone...like, seriously, had a conversation with everyone. He was out there for, like, at least 45 minutes. That was amazing, because he's totally my favorite.

--Then Davey came out and stood in the bus stairwell and we all lined up and he signed for everyone. That was kind of awesome. I told him it was my first AFI show and that I loved it and he said "Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it." He. God. This was the first time I've ever been starstruck. Meeting him was on my Bucket List. <3

--Security had said Adam had left the venue and wasn't coming back, so I left after I met Davey. By that point, it was 1 in the morning. I found out the next morning, though, that Adam showed back up about 10 minutes after I left. Damn, I should have stayed!

MY EPICALLY LONG AFI CONCERT RECAP

2009-11-17T23:43:00.001-05:00

Okay, I’m finally posting my recap for my first ever AFI show! :D

-----------------------------------------------------

I left Dahlonega at 7 am, thinking that would put me in Atlanta by 8:30. I forgot it was a Monday and I ended up stuck in rush hour traffic. I got to the Tabernacle at 9:30 instead. When I got there, I set up my little chair and made friends with the 15-ish people that were there before me. Some of them were really awesome…some were kind of annoying.

Starbucks trips were taken, Battleship was played, books were read. I was so fucking nervous that I actually couldn’t eat lunch. It was my first time seeing AFI and I knew it was going to be awesome, but seriously, I was so fucking nervous. That bears repeating. lol. But you guys don’t want to hear about that, amirite?

They came and set up the barricades at 1:30-ish in the afternoon, so I packed up my chair and chilled on the Tabernacle steps instead. I didn’t feel like walking back to my car yet, but about half an hour-ish later, they came out and separated the lines. DF to the left, yo. So I got the very nice older ladies who were in line behind me to hold my spot while I ran to my car.

Waiting in line was pretty much boring as fuck. And it was cold in the shade of the building. And there were line cutters. If you follow me on Twitter, you might remember me live tweeting my rage about the line cutters. They did go to the back, though, after about five of us said something to them.

We organized ourselves into some semblance of a line at around 5:30, but Smith made fun of our concept of a line when he started handing out wristbands at 6. :P

Doors opened for the DF at 6:50. I managed to get a rail spot…right side of the stage almost directly in front of Jade. I also chatted with the people next to me, who were really nice. We discovered our mutual love of Kill Hannah. :)

[Have a picture of the backdrop from my spot.]

The opener was Dave Hause of The Loved Ones. I was really not sure how that was going to work…he plays the acoustic guitar, FFS, and he’s opening for fucking AFI. But he was actually really, really good. Lots of crowd interaction. He was hilarious, too, which was nice.

[Here’s a picture. Note the beer and Jack Daniels on the stool.]

When AFI started, I pretty much lost it. Everything and everyone sounded so fucking amazing. The setlist was mostly Sing the Sorrow, which was perfect for me because it’s my favorite album. :P We also got Love is a Many Splendored Thing and Wester. Fucking Wester. I screamed until I had no voice during Wester. Fuck, it was amazing.

[Have concert pictures. There is a severe lack of Adam and Hunter. The drumkit cockblocked me from good Adam pictures and Hunter is a fucking spaz, so most of the pictures of him came out blurry lmao.]

This may be one of my favorite ones. Possibly because I fucking love Hunter.

This is the best one I could get of Adam behind the drums. :-|

Another kind of, halfway decent one of Adam

He was intense with that shaker. :)

No flash. I like the pretty colors. I don't like the blurry hand so much.

All four of them during On the Arrow. Please excuse the security guard. I was too lazy to crop him out.

Another awesome shot of Hunter. I'mma crop out that chick's hand later. >_<

Here’s the full setlist, in case you wanted to know…
Torch Song
Girl's Not Grey
Kill Caustic
Veronica Sawyer Smokes
Leaving Song Pt. II
End Transmission
Wester (!!!!!!!!)
Beautiful Thieves
Love is a Many Splendored Thing
Leaving Song
On The Arrow
Dancing Through Sunday
Medicate
Love Like Winter
Death Of Seasons
Miss Murder
Silver and Cold

After the show, I waited around outside to see if the guys were coming out. Jade was out first, at around midnight. He’s so sweet, seriously. And tiny. And he smelled really good.

[Have a picture of me and Jade. Excuse my fug-it was late, ok.]

Hunter was next. He’s totally my favorite, so I was a little excited. He took the time to talk to everyone, too… he was out there talking to everyone for at least half an hour. So cool.

[Here’s a picture of me and Hunter. Again, excuse my fug.]

Then Davey came out, but security had told us beforehand that we couldn’t do pictures or hugs. He stood in the stairwell of the bus (where it was warm! Smart man!) and we all lined up and he signed for each of us and talked to us a little bit.

I left at that point, because security had said that Adam had left the venue and wouldn’t be out to sign. HOWEVER, I found out this morning when I woke up that Adam did actually come back to the venue…he got there about 10 minutes after I left. :(

[Here’s my signed ticket and the sign for the DF line that a LJ/Twitter friend told me to grab. :)]

All my pictures are at my Flickr account HERE in case you want to see them bigger. Feel free to steal, too, although I don't know why you'd want to...I was too flaily to get really good ones. :P

So…in conclusion, my first AFI show was a-fucking-mazing. It completely reaffirmed and strengthened my love for them and I will absolutely be seeing them again. I also met some really cool DFers that I will definitely be keeping in touch with. A+ concert experience. :)

---------------------------

TL;DR - LONG DAY IN LINE. OPENER WAS COOL. AFI WAS FUCKING AWESOME. NEW DF FRIENDS ARE MADE OF WIN.

Hey!

2009-11-09T17:31:00.004-05:00

Hmm. I haven't whined here in a while. I think it's ~time.

First...I had surgery to have my gallbladder out last week. I got really, really sick on Halloween morning, went to the emergency room that night, they told me I had pancreatitis again and admitted me. At that point, I was so sick of having to constantly watch what I eat, how I eat, what I drink, etc. that I said, okay enough. My doctor agreed, and I had surgery on Tuesday morning. Came home on Wednesday, and I'm already back to, hmm, I would say 90%. There's no pain anymore, other than a really ugly bruise just under my belly button, but I'm not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds for another two weeks.

-----

I've started paying back my student loan. That kind of sucks, especially since I only work part time.

-----

It's November, which means NaNoWriMo. Last year, I tanked. I only made it to 26,000 words. Partly, I think it was because I was busting my ass in college, but also, I ended up hating my novel about halfway through the month, which really gave me absolutely no incentive to write. This year, though...this year, I love my plot. It's challenging, but I really think I can do it. I'm behind by about 6ooo words, but I'm confident I can catch up. Write or Die is a godsend, though, let me tell you. I'm bad about letting myself get distracted while I'm writing, but when Rick Astley starts singing when you haven't typed anything in a few seconds, it really motivates you. :)

-----

My best friend is getting married in four days. :'-) The wedding is going to be so much fun, and Daniel is an awesome guy. He fits right in with all of us crazy people. :-)

-----

MY AFI CONCERT IS IN SEVEN FUCKING DAYS. IN EXACTLY SEVEN DAYS FROM RIGHT NOW, I WILL BE STANDING IN LINE, LESS THAN AN HOUR AWAY FROM GOING INSIDE THE TABERNACLE. I'm going by myself, but I'm getting to the Tabernacle really early, so I'll definitely be making friends in line. I honestly think I'm probably going to cry my fucking eyes out when AFI comes onstage.

In other AFI-related news, I joined an awesome LiveJournal community called ONTD_AFI. It's small and lovely and made of wonderful people that fangirl just like me. We're snarky and not afraid of making a little fun of our favorite band, but we still love them to death and are the first ones to go crazy about new songs/shows/news/etc. If you have a LiveJournal account, you should come check us out. We're good times! :-)

-----

Kris Allen's album streamed live today. It's fucking amazing! Seriously, go look it up...it's on AOL's new music page. You need this in your life. I'm not going to do a song-by-song breakdown like I did for AFI and Kill Hannah, but I'll give you my high points.
--Live Like We're Dying is the single. It's actually the weakest song on the album, in my opinion. I mean, I still like it, but compared to the rest of these songs, it's a little weak.
--Before We Come Undone totally should have been the first single. It's catchy and different and so completely Kris.
--Can't Stay Away is the same way. I've been singing the chorus of this song since I first heard it at 10:30 this morning. So catchy!
--The Truth made me want to cry. It's so sad!
--Bring It Back's chorus made me immediately think of the chorus in "All We Are" by OneRepublic...like, to the point that I thought, "Oh my God, Ryan Tedder, why are you such a fucking douche? Do you have any original ideas?" Except then I realized this isn't one of the songs that Tedder has writing credits on. Oops. Still, though, it's eerie how much the two choruses sound alike.
--I Need to Know made me cry. The backstory is that Kris recorded this in one take, lying on his back in the recording studio, with his acoustic guitar and the mic set up so that it was hanging over his face. Seriously, by the end of this song, I was sobbing. It's so gutwrenching, and Kris's voice. God, his voice...it's like his heart was being ripped out. :-(
--Heartless...yet another version of Heartless from Kris. This makes the fourth version of his that I have saved on my laptop. This one is better than all of them (except maybe the unplugged version from that radio show he did...it might be tied with that one).
--My favorites (in order): I Need to Know, Can't Stay Away, The Truth, Written All Over My Face
--My least favorites (from lesser least favorite to least least favorite): Red Guitar, Lifetime, Live Like We're Dying

Now that it's had time to sink in...

2009-09-29T10:16:00.003-04:00

I'm listening to my copy AFI's Crash Love right now. I maintain that it is one of the best, if not the best, releases this year. Usually, after I've listened to a cd several times, I start finding things I don't like...not so with Crash Love. I actually think my love for it is growing, which is funny because I was a flailing fangirl all over this thing since pretty much the first listen.

Kill Hannah's Wake Up the Sleepers has grown on me. I thought it was a little disjointed on the first couple listens, but now that I have my digital copy and have listened through a few times, I can see how everything is connected. I love the darker side of Kill Hannah that we see in this record.

That's all for now. I have to go to work in 20 minutes, but I just wanted to update whoever is reading this on my opinions of CL and WUTS. :-)

Crash Love stream-of-consciousness

2009-09-23T10:29:00.002-04:00

It was absolutely hopeless to try to liveblog during my first listen of this album. It was so epic that there were no words I could have used to describe what I was feeling. I was finally able to voice some of my thoughts during my third listen...even these are kind of incoherent, and I probably used the word "awesome" way too many times. Seriously, though, this is the best album I've heard, from any artist/band, since Sing the Sorrow in 2003 (and that's my favorite album of all time). It may be a little early to say this, but my love for Crash Love will probably end up surpassing - or at least equalling - my love for Sing the Sorrow.

Torch Song: Hits hard right off the bat. Signature "ohs". Fucking epic guitar. Fucking love the lyrics and chorus. It has kind of an 80s rock/hair band vibe, I think (background vocals remind me of Def Leppard for some reason. Maybe it's just me).

Beautiful Thieves: Reminds me of something, but I can't really put my finger on what. Love Davey's voice in the chorus (a little "Billie Joe Armstrong"-sounding). Love the lyrics. Love "Who would run for cover? Who would run from us?"

End Transmission: Again, awesome lyrics. Great progression from Torch Song to this one. YOu can really hear the bass in this one - awesome!

Too Shy to Scream: VERY strong guitar. LOVE the chorus!!! Love the abrupt ending. One of my favorites, I think.

Veronica Sawyer Smokes: Another "oh". Seriously, I love these lyrics. More straightforward than any other AFI album. Another one with an 80s-ish (or maybe 90s-ish) sound.

Okay I Feel Better Now: First slower-ish song. Again, love the lyrics. I like the buildup to the louder chorus. Awesome, but it may end up being one I don't remember as a favorite. I hear some electro elements...this may be a touch too over-produced.

Medicate: It took me a couple listens to really love this one when it first came out. I listen to it on repeat now, though. It seems a little dissonant with the rest of the album in terms of how the music sounds, but it's good.

I Am Trying Very Hard to Be Here: One of the most anticipated tracks for me. LOVE the guitar and "We're temporary anyway". Chorus is awesome - great gang vocals and signature "woahs". Drums pretty epic on this one, too.

Sacrilege: One of the harder hitting tracks, lyrically. Reminds me of AoD-era AFI :-) Again, more straightforward lyrics that make you think.

Darling I Want To (Destroy You): I want to call this a throwback song to the 80s-90s sound in terms of musicality. Lyrically, it's pretty hard-hitting. Very emotional. Made me want to cry.

Cold Hands: Fast! Awesome guitar! Almost can't pay attention to the lyrics/vocals because the guitar is so fucking epic! I like the verses better than the chorus.

It Was Mine: A little slower, with epic vocals. Another one that kind of makes me want to cry because of its intensity. Perfect ending to the album.

Wake Up the Sleepers stream-of-consciousness

2009-09-23T10:09:00.003-04:00

I was tempted to do a liveblog as I listened to Kill Hannah's Wake Up the Sleepers for the first time, but my first listen through consisted of a lot of flailing and grinning stupidly, plus I wasn't at my house, so I decided to wait and write down my thoughts through the second listen. Here they are, kind of in stream-of-consciousness style. I wish I had thought to do this for Muse's Uprising, but alas. :-( AFI's Crash Love stream-of-consciousness blog is next.

Radio: Catchy. Upbeat. More rock/less electro. It's a "fuck you" song aimed at detractors/people who told them they would never be successful. It's good, but I think I liked it better live.

Snowblinded: Don't remember this one from the show or the first listen-through. Very pretty, but it's not going to end up being one of my favorites. Can't figure out who's singing background vocals, but both the male and female backing voices are gorgeous. Some awesome harmonies. It's a love song...paraphrasing some of the lyrics-"I just wanted to say you're fucking beautiful."

New York City Speed: I've loved this song since the second I first heard the opening. One of the most electro-influenced songs on the album.

Living in Misery: Beautiful song. Slower. Sounds almost acoustic. Could become a favorite. So sad, yet with a tone that indicates a possible guarded hopefulness (maybe not as strong an emotion as hopefulness. I'm not clear about my thoughts on this...can't really translate my thoughts into words). Mat hits some killer high notes. Choir is amazing, lends to that weird feeling I talked about a second ago.

Strobe Lights: Absolutely my favorite song live, of the five new ones they did. A little more electro than some of the other tracks, but again, I knew I loved it fro the first listen. Love the lyrics and chorus.

Why I Have My Grandma's Sad Eyes: Strong electro backbeat, with what sounds almost like a pipe organ. Makes the song feel big. Lyrics are weird, and sometimes it seems like it's too wordy. It's a cooldown period after more fast-paced songs. Love the line, "Love must be just for idiots." Again, Mat hits some awesome high notes.

Tokyo (Dance in the Dust): VERY electro, almost to the point of being techno/trance, but it's got strong guitar sounds too. Sounds like a remix. Makes me want to dance. Gang vocals spelling T-O-K-Y-O rub me the wrong way for some reason (maybe it's because I'm not used to this from Kill Hannah)...other than that, though, it's very catchy.

Mouth to Mouth: Starts with that epic-sounding pipe organ-ish sound. Strong guitar over electro background. Amanda Palmer's vocals fucking rock! It was good live, but Amanda Palmer makes the track almost perfect. Slower part in the middle is awesome. This is easily one of my favorite tracks, if not my number one favorite.

Vultures (Be There for Me): One of the tracks with a stronger rock sound. Slower. Awesome lyrics. Haunting, both lyrically and musically. Definitely one of my favorites.

Escape Artistry: Another strong rock track. Lots of "fucks" =P Pretty lyrics - strong message, no ambiguity. Gives me a "mainstream-ey" feeling, other than the numerous times Mat sings "fuck". Very catchy. This is one that Elias really stands out on. Drums are amazing!

Acid Rain: More rock than electro. Love love love the lyrics and the guitar in the chorus. Another awesome performance from Elias. Fantastic mini-guitar solo near the end.

Laika: Dance-y. Lyrics a little awkward, but pretty. I love Mat's voice on this song. Don't like the talking in the background that starts a little over halfway through. Like the slowed down part near the end, but I'm not sure what it adds to the song. This is the first one that I'm not really feeling. It's not that I don't like it, but I'm not excited about it either.

Promise Me: Shortest track. Weird sound, but very good. Slow, repetitive musically. Who else is singing? Very stripped down. Perfect end to the CD.

Crash Love!

2009-09-22T10:13:00.003-04:00

I'm sitting here in the college lobby before I go work and listening to Crash Love for the first time. I am absolutely blown away! This is such a better progression from Sing the Sorrow than Decemberunderground was! I'm trying to restrain myself from just smiling at my laptop, but I'm only half-succeeding, which is probably making me look demented. But seriously, this album is fucking amazing! I can't wait to get my copy!

I've only listened through once, but based on just that first listen-through, my favorites are Torch Song, Beautiful Thieves, OK I Feel Better Now, Darling I Want to Destroy You, and Cold Hands. There's not a single one that I don't like, though, which is saying something. Before this, my favorite album was Sing the Sorrow, and there are a couple songs on that one that I don't like. This crazy love I have for these songs bodes well, I think. :-)

ONLY SEVEN DAYS UNTIL I GET MY COPY!!! Now I want November 16th to come faster, because after listening to this, I can't fucking wait to see them in concert!!!

Kill Hannah

2009-09-19T18:05:00.021-04:00

I went to the She Wants Revenge/Kill Hannah concert on Tuesday. It was fucking amazing! Here's a recap, followed by pictures (if I can figure out how to add them).

My best friend and I got to Jack Rabbits at around 5. I had been told earlier in the day that I was the leader for the KHK-only meet and greet with Kill Hannah before the show, so I wanted to get there early so I could find other members of the KHK to go in with us. Well, when we got there, there were only two other people in line. By 6:30, the line had only grown to include about five more people, so I asked everyone there if they were there for Kill Hannah. Everyone said yes...that made me LOL because they technically weren't the headliners...She Wants Revenge was. Anyway, of those people only four were KHK members and only two wanted to go inside. So the meet and greet ended up being only four of us, which was kind of awesome.

We went inside at 7-ish for the meet and greet. I'm so glad that there were so few of us, because I felt like we were really able to connect with everyone and no one felt rushed. We talked about how we found out about KH, where we were from, that kind of thing. They asked us what songs we wanted to hear that night...I got ridiculously excited when they said they'd be playing Nerve Gas. :-) My BFF squealed out loud when we found out they were playing LLM. Anyway, we stayed inside talking to them for about 15-20 minutes before we had to go back outside so the opening band could soundcheck. Seriously, though, they were all so nice! Just some other random notes from the meet and greet: Mat took a picture of one of the meet and greet girl's tattoos and Twittered about it. He called it the best fan tattoo he'd seen on this tour so far. That was pretty awesome. Also, Dan wasn't there...he was still on his honeymoon...but the guy that's filling in for him (edit: his name is Maddox) was pretty freaking awesome. Greg is really chatty, which was nice. :-)

Here, have some meet and greet pictures:

Me with the band. Excuse my fugliness. It was humid as fuck in Jacksonville.
---

Signed meet and greet line sign. I was the leader, so I got to keep it.
---
--------------------

We went in for the actual show at 8, and since we were at the front of the line, we were right against the stage. Seriously, the only thing between me and the stage was a monitor (which I used as an armrest lol). My BFF went to the bar and got us alcohol because we were pretty convinced (based on the soundcheck that we could hear outside) that the opening band, Paper Route, was going to be terrible. We were very pleasantly surprised, though, when they came on. They had all kinds of crazy instruments. I saw a harmonica, an accordion, electronic drums, a glockenspiel, a couple tamborines, and some other stuff I can't even name. I had heard one of their songs before ("Carousel"), and based on that song, I wasn't really sure why they were opening for Kill Hannah and She Wants Revenge...but that song sounded so much more rock/electronic than pop when they played it. Also, the lead singer guy was really nice. As they were breaking down their equipment, he sat on the edge of the stage and talked to us for a few minutes. He seemed genuinely surprised that the entire front two rows of people were there for Kill Hannah...that made me LOL. :-)

Excuse the blue-ness of these pictures. I hadn't turned my flash on yet.

This is the lead singer of Paper Route...I think. Him and the guy on the far left of the picture seemed to sing about the same amount of time.
---

Here's another one of the guy I'm calling the lead singer.
---
--------------------

We had about a half hour wait after Paper Route while Kill Hannah set up. One of the roadies came onstage and taped down setlists...and one was right in front of us, so I immediately saw that they were playing Kennedy, which is my second favorite song of theirs, and which I had totally forgotten to ask about during the meet and greet because I was too busy flailing over the fact that they were going to play five new songs. As soon as the green lasers appeared on the ceiling, I started squealing. It was my first Kill Hannah show, and I was so ridiculously excited, especially after meeting them and finding out they were so fucking amazing as people.

Here's a picture of the setlist, in case you wanted to see it. I managed to snag a copy as the roadies dismantled their set.

Mouth to Mouth was fucking awesome. It'll sound even better on the album, because Amanda Palmer sings on it. :-)

Mat dedicated Nerve Gas to the people in the crowd that traveled a long way to see the show...that was aimed at three of us from the meet and greet. My BFF and I drove 2 hours, and one of the other girls is from Maryland. Nerve Gas may or may not have aroused me. Especially because Mat was continuously thrusting his crotch right in my face.

NYC Speed was pretty intense too, but it sounded a little weird without all the electronic elements on the recorded version.

For some reason, I can't really remember Snowblinded...probably because I was too busy hyperventilating over the fact that Kennedy was next. I'm sure it was good, though, because I can't remember any of their songs sounding bad.

Then. Oh my God. Kennedy. Seriously, fucking...I can't even tell you how mindblowing that was. I fucking love that song so much.

Mat introduced Radio as their new "emphasis song," which basically means the new single. It was awesome (I really feel like I'm over-using that word). Very upbeat, very catchy.

Then...Black Poison Blood. Seriously, it's a little weird to stick this one in a setlist that is so high-energy, but I guess they need a little break after all the other upbeat songs. And I've always loved the song...it's so haunting. About halfway through the song, Mat kneeled on my side of the stage and reached out and we linked hands for a good 30 seconds. (!!!) I felt like such a pre-teen with a crush, I have to tell you, and that's sad because I'm 22 and I consider myself to be pretty level-headed. I really wish I had thought to hand my camera off to my BFF so I could have had that moment documented.

Next was Strobe Lights, which I had only heard for the first time that morning. I love it, though. It has a more "rock" sound than NYC Speed, but it still definitely has that strong electronic undertone that is going to run through the whole album. And the chorus is very suited to crowd sing-alongs. :-)

Last, but by no means least, was Lips Like Morphine. My BFF cracked me up during this one, because she's usually so restrained about everything, but she was bouncing around like she was on crack. So awesome. Mat held the mic down into our part of the crowd at one point, so about four of us got to sing part of the chorus into the mic.

I got some pretty epic pictures of Kill Hannah because I was practically on-fucking-stage (and because I said "Fuck it" and turned my flash on). Here are a few (if you want to see all of them, let me know and I'll gladly e-mail them).

Mat
---

The guy who is filling in for Dan. He introduced himself during the meet and greet, but I really can't remember his name. If anyone knows, please share with the class. (Edit: I just found out his name is Maddox.)
---

Mat, right after he winked at Greg. It was cute. :-)
---

Greg, looking like a giant because he was right on the edge of the stage and I had to tilt the camera to get him in the frame.
---

Gil. Seriously, he was amazing. I hope he becomes a permanent member.
---

The only half-decent shot I got of Elias. The high hat was cockblocking me.
---
--------------------

I'd never heard of She Wants Revenge before I found out Kill Hannah was touring with them, so after I grabbed a setlist, my BFF and I went back to the bar and let the She Wants Revenge fans behind us have the front row. They were pretty good, though. I was dancing in my seat for pretty much their whole set. I didn't take any pictures, though...I was still coming down from my Kill Hannah high. :-)

After the show, we went to the merch table and talked to Greg, Gil, and the guy filling in for Dan for a little while. Fill-in guy (Edit: Maddox. lol) is so nice, and like Greg, also very chatty. We had a very interesting conversation about silver nail polish. I wanted to stay and find Mat and Elias again, but it was after midnight at that point and we had a 2 hour drive back home, then I had to get up at 6 am on Wednesday morning, so we left.

...If you made it through this entire post, you are my hero. Seriously. I'm such a rambler. But it was honestly the best concert I've ever seen and I'm already looking forward to seeing them again. AFI has a lot to live up to in November. :-)

It's been a while.

2009-09-08T13:58:00.002-04:00

I got a job! It's only part-time, and it's as a cashier at a diner, but...it's a job. This makes me happy. It's easy, plus I get along with everyone I work with, so it's a good thing for the short-term. It also means I have money to pay my car payment, my medical bills, and my student loan payment. It also means I don't have to beg my parents to buy me tickets to go see AFI in Atlanta on November 16th! Seriously, I'm going to that concert now, and I couldn't be more excited. I might have to go by myself because it's a Monday night (awkward!), but I don't even care because it's AFI!!!!!!!!

Also, I'm going to see Kill Hannah in Jacksonville in SEVEN DAYS. SEVEN. That's it. a;lkjfd;alkjfnf;f Keyboard smashing adequately expresses my feelings at this moment. We went to get tickets last night and the venue they're playing at is seriously tiny. This makes me so happy, it's insane. AUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!

The next few months are seriously going to be epic in terms of music. Kill Hannah show on Sept. 15th, Kill Hannah album and AFI album on Sept. 29th, Tokio Hotel album on Oct. 6th, AFI show on Nov. 15th, Kris Allen album on Nov. 17th, and Adam Lambert album on Nov. 24th!! Epic!

I'm done flailing now. :-)

Quote for the day is something hilarious I read on Mat Devine's blog...
Question From Steph: Mat what's it like knowing there are millions of people out there, with your picture on their walls probably thinking dirty thoughts of you?
Mat's Answer: "If by ‘millions’ you mean ‘hundreds’, and by ‘people’ you mean ‘15 year olds’, and by ‘picture on their wall’ you mean ‘Jpeg on their Safari browser’, and by “thinking dirty thoughts’ you mean ‘awkwardly fingering themselves’, then I’d have to say, it feels pretty cool. You just made my day."

Points of interest

2009-08-11T14:54:00.003-04:00

Holy fuck, do my teeth hurt. Two of my fillings are chipping away and the nerves are exposed. I've been in excruciating pain for the past day and a half. Not fun.

Applied for a job at the local library. Have to follow up today to see what's going on.

Things are slowly getting better with the parent situation.

I'm absolutely in love with Twitter.

I'm also irrationally obsessed with a livejournal community called ONTD_AI.

Kill Hannah released a new song on PureVolume today called Strobe Lights. It's amazing and it makes me even more excited for the new album (which comes out the same day as AFI's new album).

I would really love to visit Chicago.

NaNoWriMo is still three months away, but I'm already pre-planning because last year, I went in with no outline and only basic main characters and I failed miserably. I want to win, damn it.

There is no point to this blog.

It's been a shitty day.

2009-07-24T16:00:00.003-04:00

I'm so fed up with all the crazy shit going on at my house. I need a job so I can get the fuck out of here. Here are my problems, in a nice, organized list format because that helps me calm down (I see you rolling your eyes...don't judge me).

1. My stepfather. He's in the middle of his mid-life crisis. He's been talking to some lady he dated way back in the day and now is "confused" about his feelings for my mother. Um, hello? They've been together for over 16 years. What the everloving fuck? HOWEVER, it sounds to me (and trust me, I know the whole story) that for both him and this lady, this is all just fun and games. Well, guess what? My mother is turning into a paranoid wreck because of his shit. Make a fucking decision and put us all out of our misery. TYVM.

2. I have no bedroom. Fuck, I hate being woken up out of a dead sleep at 5:30 in the morning because of the fucking overhead light in the computer room, which is where I sleep. You have a fucking laptop...stay in your bedroom and use that in the mornings. Shit!

3. My brother is missing $40. He thinks someone stole it. I tend to agree with him, since we've turned the house, my car, and our grandparents' house upside down and didn't find it. I think his friend stole it, but he refuses to believe that (even though the kid defended himself a little too vehemently for my liking) and instead believes it was our younger cousin. Way to fucking go, putting family first. Not. Christ, our cousin wouldn't do that, and even if she did, her mother (our aunt) would never let her get away with it.

4. Fucking Bacon County Hospital. I went to the ER back in March for severe abdominal and stomach pain. The ER doc comes in, pokes at my stomach for about 10 seconds, and tells me it's probably an ulcer or acid reflux. He prescribes Nexium (which is insanely expensive, especially since I don't have insurance) and sends me home. Well, guess what? I spent that night puking my guts up. When I got back to north Georgia two days later, I immediately went to the ER there. They were horrified that Bacon County didn't bother to do bloodwork, especially when it turned out that the enzyme levels in my liver and pancreas were the highest numbers the docs and nurses had ever seen. I spent three days in the hospital with acute pancreatitis. Thank you for almost killing me, Bacon County. So I got the bill, and am solidly refusing to pay it because I could have died because of their fuckery. The kicker is, they keep sending me letters about how I need to call them about my payments...except when I call, nobody ever picks up the fucking phone. Way to go, assholes.

5. I said this earlier as part of a different gripe, but I really need a job. And I can't find one. Epic fail.

-----
Okay, I think that's all. I feel slightly better now.

September 29th, How I Love You!

2009-07-08T12:00:00.002-04:00

Holy fuck, there's an official release date for Crash Love! YESSSSSSS!!!! September 29th, you are now my new favorite date. =P

In other news, my brother thinks he's sly, but he's really not. Some shit went down between him and his girlfriend, and now his girlfriend's parents won't let her see him or talk to him until he goes over there and explains himself. Which is stupid, since really, who expects a 17 year old and a 15 year old keep promises about not having sexual contact? This girl's parents have really flipped their lids about this, and I just find it funny. My brother shouldn't have to kiss ass and prostrate himself to them over this stupid shit. My mother shares my sentiments and is trying her damndest to keep him away from these nutcases. He, of course, doesn't appreciate this and is trying to find a way to get over there without letting Mom know he's going. It's not working. He's just very transparent about his little "plans." Whatever. I'm just glad it's not my drama.

Top Ten...Things I'm Looking Forward To Before the End of the Year

2009-07-05T19:23:00.003-04:00

1. Crash Love

2. Kill Hannah's new album

3. Seeing Seven Story Fall and Freshman 15 again at the end of August

4. Adam Lambert's first (real!) album

5. Tokio Hotel's new album

6. Losing 20 pounds

7. Finding a new job

8. Having an awesome 22nd birthday

9. Big Brother. :-)

10. Hopefully, some good concerts (AFI? Kill Hannah?)

Random

2009-07-05T19:11:00.003-04:00

I hope everyone had a good Fourth of July. I sat at home and watched tv all day. lol. It was by choice, though, so it was a good day. The house was nice and quiet...most of my family went out to watch fireworks by the coast, so me and my youngest brother were the only ones home for most of the day (and he always stays in his bedroom on his computer, so it was really like I was at home by myself). Being in the quiet was very nice. :-)

Some random things that have been bothering me for the last few days:
**Sarah Palin's resignation. What the hell? Okay, she says she wants to avoid the lame duck period, since she's already said she's not running for re-election next year. That's a really stupid reason to resign, in my opinion. My first thought was that she's gearing up for a White House run in 2012...but resigning is a really bad way to start that off because now she's going to be called a quitter. Now I'm wondering if there's not a more personal reason for this sudden resignation. Don't get me wrong, I think she did wonders for Alaska, and I think she was probably a good governor...I also voted McCain/Palin in the presidential election. However, I would not vote for her for president. First of all, this whole resignation thing doesn't sit right with me. Secondly, she doesn't have the chops to deal with the shitty people that litter Washington DC and the media...she's too easily rattled and offended. So...I think she's setting herself up for a huge disappointment if she tries to run for president. Honestly, I doubt she'd even get the Republican nomination.
**This whole Steve McNair murder thing. He was a stand-up guy: great football player, no scandals, didn't do drugs, generally a good role model. Now, all of the sudden, it looks like he's been having an extra-marital affair with a woman 16 years younger than him. Police aren't saying "murder-suicide," but that's really what it looks like. It's just a tragedy all around...for Steve McNair, for the fans, for the families involved, and especially for his kids. Just a shitty situation.

I guess that's all for now. I was just bored and decided to jot down some thoughts that have been rattling around in my head.

Top Ten...Reasons I Don't Like Living at Home

2009-06-30T11:19:00.005-04:00

1. I have no bedroom. Therefore, all my stuff is still in various boxes and bags.

2. My mother flips the tv channel during commercials, and it drives me insane.

3. I have to play chauffeur.

4. We live in the middle of nowhere, so I use a massive amount of gas to get places.

5. I love my family, but they can be irrationally close-minded and obnoxious at times...especially my stepdad and youngest brother.

6. All the junk food tempts me into eating it...therefore, I am no longer losing any weight. In fact, I'm putting weight back on.

7. My grandparents live up the street and they drive me crazy.

8. Even though I have a house key, I feel like I can't just come and go as I please for fear of waking someone up at night.

9. I can't just randomly have friends over.

10. I just generally don't like sharing space with people, even my family. I'm selfish...sue me.

Life on hold...

2009-06-30T11:15:00.003-04:00

...That's what it feels like at least. I feel like I'm just in some kind of weird holding pattern. I can't find a job, I have no spare cash, I still live at home. I was supposed to interview for a job a couple weeks ago, but she had a family emergency and I haven't talked to her since. I'm starting to think it's a lost cause. And all the various other jobs I've applied for, I haven't gotten (under-qualified, over-qualified, we've-already-found-someone-else, etc.). It's starting to depress me...maybe I should just break down and get a retail job until I can find something better. :-/

My new love :-)

2009-06-10T08:54:00.005-04:00

Fuuuck, I got up too early. And now I can't go back to sleep...it is eluuuding me.

Seems the crisis wasn't as dire as it sounded at first. Things are better - not totally fixed, but better - now.

In other news, I went to Atlanta to see Seven Story Fall this past weekend. They played a show at the Masqerade with Vega Under Fire, Freshman 15, The Armory, and I Rival. Seven Story Fall was amazing, as I knew they would be (I'm going to see them again in two weeks in Jacksonville), but the big news is that I fell in luuurrrvvveee with I Rival. :-) Why the fuck hadn't someone turned me on to them before? Jeez. They're playing another show at the Masq next Monday, but I'm not sure I can go yet. I really want to, though.

I'm interviewing for a job on the 15th. Hence the reason I'm not sure if I can go see I Rival. If I get the job, chances are I'll have to miss the concert. That's okay, though. I'm getting a little antsy about not finding a job. :-P

Stard a new short story the other day. I probably will never finish it. I've lost count of the number of short stories, novellas, or novels I have started, only to give up on them 5 or 10 pages in. I think I've only finished one, and I don't show that one to anybody because it's smutty and most of the people I know would think I had gone crazy. lmao.

I guess that's all...random blog for a random day.

Edit: Oops, forgot a quote...

"It's up to me to do what it takes. Watch me close, don't look away" -- Seven Story Fall, "The American Dream"
**Because I'm in love with Seven Story Fall. :-)

:-(

2009-06-03T22:42:00.003-04:00

The bottom seems to have fallen out a bit. My mother told me today that she and my stepfather are thinking about splitting up. She said they had a long talk and the feelings just don't seem to be there on his part anymore. It was like a kick in the chest. They've been together for 16 years. They're going to try to work things out, but they're also going to try to prepare for every eventuality at the same time. To me, that doesn't sound so encouraging. I'm not really sure how to deal with this...up to now, I've had it pretty easy, I'll be the first to tell you. I've never really had to deal with any serious issues with my immediate family or even my close friends. This is really, really hard.

Unproductivity

2009-05-25T15:46:00.002-04:00

Here it is, three weeks after graduation, and I don't have a job yet. Hell, I don't even have any job prospects yet. This blows. If I haven't found anything that doesn't involve the phrase "Do you want fries with that?" by July, well...Army, here I come.

In other, more positive news, my brother and sister-in-law and nephew visited over the holiday weekend. We had a blast. Badminton, water fights, food fights, and me and my sister-in-law kicking my brothers' asses in Pictionary. Good times. :-)

My younger brother graduated high school this past Friday. I feel old.

I am very, very saddened by the news that Jonny Radtke is no longer part of Kill Hannah, but I'm not surprised. I mean, he didn't tour with them on their last tour, so I kind of had a feeling this day would come. At any rate, I wish him all the best and I still love him!

I'm so freaking tired of the rain. It has been raining here, no exaggeration, for 10 days. We saw sunshine briefly this morning, but it's back to cloudy now and I can hear thunder in the distance. Not fun.

I'm about halfway through American Gods by Neil Gaiman. It's a good book, and I love Shadow and Wednesday, but I keep thinking, God is the action ever going to pick up? I can only read a couple chapters before I catch myself having to re-read paragraphs because I can't focus on it anymore.

Magic are playing the Cavs in the NBA finals, and it's killing me. Such close games! I've been a Magic fan since before I could remember...my family had a greyhound named Magic, even. I really, really hope they can hang on to beat the Cavs in the series.

I guess that's all. It occurs to me that this blog is very random-ish. I guess it's appropriate, given that that's the way my life feels right now...

Quote:
"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."--Rene Descartes
*Just because it's cool...no special reason for this one

Two good days in a row...wtf?

2009-05-06T13:25:00.002-04:00

I had fun yesterday. Despite the dismal (read: no) prospects in the job search so far, I managed to chill out a little yesterday with family and a friend...or should that be "friend"? Either way, it was nice to see him again and hang out...and it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as it could have been. I feel like we're finally getting to the point where we can be friends without being "friends".

Found out this morning that instead of having an almost $1000 medical debt, I only have a $260 medical debt. Oh, the joys of having health problems while still in college. lol. Seriously, though, that was the best news I've gotten in a while and it takes some of the pressure off.

So...things I'm looking forward to this summer: Seeing Seven Story Fall *multiple* times in concert around the southeast. A new KILL HANNAH ALBUM, hopefully by August (!!!!!). Vacation in July. Warped Tour (???). A new tattoo, dang it.

That is all. Except this.

"The boundaries of our country, sir? Why sir, on the north we are bounded by the Aurora Borealis, on the east we are bounded by the rising sun, on the south we are bounded by the procession of the Equinoxes, and on the west by the Day of Judgment."--The American Joe Miller's Jest Book, as quoted by Neil Gaiman in American Gods
**Because I'm reading American Gods right now and am absolutely in love with it. Plus, this quote struck me as profound and funny at the same time.

Top Ten...Worst Classes of My College Career

2009-05-04T20:13:00.002-04:00

1. Biology I

2. Biology II

3. Spanish 2001

4. Psychology 1101

5. Calculus I

6. American Modernism

7. Georgia History

8. World Literature

9. Intro to Political Science

10. British Literature II

Welcome to Adulthood

2009-05-04T20:04:00.002-04:00

So, I'm now a college graduate. I got my Bachelor of Arts degree in history (with a minor in English) on May 1st. Now I'm living back at home and searching for a job. It's not easy. I don't like being an adult. I'm actually thinking about joining the Army...the benefits definitely outweigh the downsides. But we'll see.

I failed miserably at Script Frenzy. For the first week or so, I was doing well...then all my college deadlines started creeping up on me and I fell behind. I only ended up with 46 out of 100 pages. Fail.

I'm completely addicted to the Despair Faction message boards. Completely. It's a sad thing. lol.

Hung out with Sarah and Daniel for a little bit today. That was fun. Also talked to you-know-who today...but avoided actually seeing him. For now. Can't do it forever.

I guess that's all...can't think of anything else. Here's a quote:

"Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman, but believing what he read made him mad."--George Bernard Shaw
**In honor of the fact that there was a Don Quixote question on Jeopardy earlier tonight. :-P

Dune.

2009-04-28T11:26:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I'm getting a little antsy. Graduation is 3 days away, and the lady I ordered my honor stole from hasn't e-mailed me to let me know it's come in. I'm worried, because I still have to get it embroidered. Ugh.

I finally finished Hunters of Dune last night, and I have to say, it was really predictable. I could see who the Enemy was a mile away, and for me to say that, then you know it was predictable...I'm usually really bad at stuff like that. So...very disappointed in that, but the rest of the book was decent. Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson are good, but they don't even come close to matching the complete amazingness that is Frank Herbert when he wrote the original six Dune novels.

...that's all I have. Except for a quote:

"Our shared humanity should, by definition, make us allies. In sad fact, however, our very similarities often appear to be vast differences and insurmountable obstacles." -- Mother Commander Murbella, Sandworms of Dune by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson

Top Ten...Best Classes of My College Career

2009-04-22T00:56:00.002-04:00

Hmm...haven't done a top ten list in a little while. So, in honor of my graduation from college in less than two weeks, here's a little something personal from me.

1. US Social/Cultural History since 1860

2. International/Intercultural Studies

3. Civil War and Reconstruction

4. Contemporary American Literature

5. History of the Middle East

6. Chaucer

7. Twentieth Century Europe

8. History of Modern Japan

9. Mythology

10. Intro to World Religions

Procrastination...the Story of My Life

2009-04-22T00:39:00.002-04:00

Oh my Lord. I have one final left...it's going to be a bitch, and I can't bring myself to study for it for more than a few minutes at a time. Seriously, the Mongol Conquests are really complicated, especially when the Khanates start fracturing and you have seven people with almost the same name, then other people with names that are also places, plus you have four different khanates, each from a different Chinggisid line, and you have to keep track of who's descended from who and who's fighting who and why. There are two words to describe how I'm going to do on this final: Epic. Fail.

In other news, I finally joined the DF, and let me tell you, I'm quickly becoming as addicted to the DF message boards as I am to Facebook. It's a dangerous thing. I'm just glad I'm graduating...otherwise, I would never get any schoolwork done. :-P

Can't wait for the Journey's Backyard BBQ on May 2nd. I love the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and they always put on a good show, so I'm excited for that. Plus, I'm really into this new (well, to me, anyway) Atlanta-area band called Seven Story Fall, and they're going to be there too. Fun stuff.

I suppose I'll go torture myself with more Mongol Conquests...but not before I leave you with a quote:

"If you have tears prepare to shed them now."--William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar
*In preparation for the crying I'm going to be doing as I fail my final tomorrow...lolz.

Seriously...OCD much?

2009-04-16T00:05:00.003-04:00

It really bothers me that some of my songs on iTunes aren't grouped in the right categories (artist, album, etc.), so do you know what I did? I completely cleared them all out, went through and found the right song title, artist, album, and year, and fixed them *all*. All 1565 of them. I'm hoping that when I re-load them onto iTunes, iTunes will pull up the right freaking album covers. BUT...if they don't, I have that covered, too. :-P

In other news, I still have no life due to college. Silly college. Three actual class periods, two finals, two term papers, one book review, and a research project stand between me and sweet freedom. And that's all in a week. Looking at it, I realize that I should be crying and having a nervous breakdown, but...the senioritis is here with a vengeance. It'll get done...I'm not worried about it.

Joined the Despair Faction yesterday. Looking forward to all the fun stuff that comes with it.

Bought an FM transmitter so I can play my iPod in the car (because my car is too old to have an iPod jack...grr). It works like a charm. I'm afraid of what's going to happen once I get near a big city, though. In other car news, I rolled my driver-side window down today and it went back up normally! Score! I'm still gonna have my stepdad look at it, though, because now I'm scared I'll roll it down and it'll never go back up. :-P

Spent Easter Sunday with my grandmother's brother and his family. My second cousin hit on me. It was awkward and gross. Not only is he related to me, he's older than my parents, for crying out loud. And he's got two kids. Disturbing on THREE levels. Ugh.

I'm ready for vacation. Looking forward to doing nothing but sitting by the pool/on the beach and drinking the day away. I'm going to look for a new bathing suit next week. I actually saw a really cute one in Kohl's about a month ago, so I'm hoping that now that I've lost *22 pounds*, I can pull it off. We'll see.

Quote:

"An investment in knowledge pays the best interest."--Benjamin Franklin
*In keeping with my constant talk of college (because it dominates my life), I thought I'd throw in a quote about education. :-P

Stress? Nah.

2009-04-08T00:08:00.002-04:00

No sarcasm in that title, either, surprisingly. I still have three and a half term papers, three book reviews, and two in-class finals left before I'm free of college. All that's due in three weeks or less. And there's just no stress left in my body. I really, honestly, can't bring myself to care. I know it'll get done, and I know I'll get decent grades. I can't be bothered to worry.

Adam Lambert = God. Seriously, when I heard this week's theme was the year you were born, my mind immediately went to "Open Arms" by Journey for Adam, and now that I've seen him sing "Mad World," I can't believe I didn't think of that! I absolutely love that song. I totally set it on repeat (the Gary Jules version, not the Tears for Fears version) to fall asleep to. He's so amazing, I can't stand it. Really, it's ridiculous how much I love him, despite having only seen him on tv and despite the fact that I really think he's gay (this opinion was reaffirmed by his little mini-interview about dressing up before his song tonight lmao). Doesn't matter. He's awesome. :-)

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop regarding a certain someone. We've been having very pleasant conversations, despite the fact that I told him in no uncertain terms that a relationship wouldn't be happening soon. It surprised me that he agreed to chill and just be friends for a while, but it was a good surprise. He's a nice guy and he's fun to hang out with and talk to, I just feel like I don't really know him outside him wanting me. It's weird and it makes me a little uncomfortable. So. Yeah, friends for a while, then we'll see what happens. I'm still very skeptical about the whole thing...and very not anxious to have a repeat of the debacle that was Vacation 2007.

I gave my presentation for the Honors Conference earlier today. It went surprisingly well. I'm definitely not the best public speaker...I tend to start talking really fast and shaking and stumbling over my words, but tonight went really well. I kept my cool. :-) Made me happy.

Quote for the day:

"If I asked you to have sex with me, would the answer to this question be the same as the answer to the first question?"--Jade Puget
*Think about it. Yeah. lmao.

Some random stuff because I can't sleep

2009-04-03T00:07:00.003-04:00

I've decided that pollen is the scourge of the earth. I woke up this morning with my throat scratchy and sore, a serious bronchitis-like cough, a runny nose, and itchy, watery eyes. Jesus, you'd think that with all the rain we've had in the last three or so days, the pollen count would go down. But no! It goes up instead. Fuck you, pollen. Fuck you.

Adam Lambert = My hero. Seriously, I've never been this attached to someone I've seen on tv. He's amazing! First, he busts out with the sitar-version of "Ring of Fire" and, instead of making me hate him forever from the depths of my soul for messing with Johnny Cash's version, he makes me love it! Then, he tones it down (which I totally did not expect) and makes me cry with "Tracks of My Tears." THEN, Tuesday night, he sings "Play That Funky Music." And he makes it good! Amazing! The next theme is songs from the year you were born. Adam was born in 1982. When I heard this, I immediately thought, "Holy shit, Adam, sing 'Open Arms' by Journey and I think I'll seriously keel over in excitement." But then I started thinking, there are a whole shitload of great songs from 1982..."Eye of the Tiger," for example, or "Rosanna" by Toto. I think I'd still love to hear him sing "Open Arms," though...he's got the perfect range for Journey and I can totally imagine him singing that song to perfection. I'm sure he'll be amazing, whatever he chooses to sing, though.

In other news, I'm up to 8 pages for Script Frenzy. I'm a little amazed that it's coming to me so easily, considering the trouble I had with NaNoWriMo last November. Seriously, I only got to, like, 23,000 words during NaNo. I've never written a screenplay before, though, so I think that's a major factor in why I'm still cranking things out pretty smoothly...it's the experimentation that I like *wink*.

Quote for the day:

"Will the flood behind me put out the fire inside me?"--AFI, 'The Missing Frame'
*Yeah, I'm really in love with AFI...and really looking forward to the new album. :-)

Why do I do this to myself?

2009-03-31T14:41:00.002-04:00

Ugh. I'm sitting here surrounded by books for my term paper in 20th century Europe and I can't bring myself to start the damn paper, even though the rough draft is due tomorrow night and it has to be 12 pages long! I have some serious senioritis right now. I only have 10 days of class left, so at this point, I'm really just ready to be done with it. Unfortunately, in those 10 days, I have this paper, a 7 page paper for my Civil War and Reconstruction class, a 10 page paper for my Mongol Conquests class, two 5 page book reviews for my Georgia History class, and a 10 page paper for my American Modernism class all due. This is not counting the take-home test for 20th century Europe or the finals for Mongol Conquests and Civil War. The sad thing is, looking at that list and realizing I haven't really started any of it, I know I should be having a nervous breakdown, but...I can't find it in me to worry. At this point, if I pass my classes, I'm good. I can feel the pull of graduation...lol.

Another "Why do I do this to myself?" moment: I've been talking to you-know-who again. Every time, I just end up getting frustrated/irritated/pissed off, so what the hell? I know I'll never actually date him...he's not the relationship type...so I'm wondering why I bother to try to be friends with him at all when I know we want different things. Ugh.

Quote for the day:

"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."--George Bernard Shaw

Lost Mind...?

2009-03-30T10:35:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was really not my day. I woke up late (actually, my alarm went off and I turned it off and went back to sleep...bad idea). In the process of trying to transfer music I'd bought on my iPod to my laptop, I re-formatted my iPod. Yeah, 1400 songs gone off the iPod. I was NOT happy. So I set it to re-sync and got in the shower. Well, my hair wouldn't straighten the right way and my straightener wouldn't heat up to the right setting.

In the meantime, it took my iPod TWO HOURS to re-sync. Like I said, 1400 songs. Well, by the time I was ready to leave, it only had less than 100 songs to go, so I decided to wait for it...I get itchy if it's not with me :-P. It took another 30 minutes. O_o. That made me half an hour late in picking Beth up. I really hate being late.

Then my mind went completely out the window when we were getting back on the highway...I tried to go north, even though we were going south into Atlanta. I seriously argued with Beth for five minutes about why we were supposed to be going north to Atlanta. *shakes head* THEN we get to the Marta station and, like an idiot, without even thinking, I roll my window down to take the little ticket thing, completely forgetting it takes my driver-side window 15 minutes to go back up because the motor is dying.

Canterbury Tales was fucking hilarious, though. I think it was actually funnier last night than it was the first time I saw it. Classic. They're doing The Tempest in May and I really want to go see it, but I'm poor and my May is pretty packed full already. We'll have to see...if there's any possible way, I'm going, damn it.

I shouldn't be writing a blog right now...I should be writing one of my endless term papers. I have three weeks to go until the end of classes, but I have at least 50 pages of papers to write: a term paper for 20th century Europe, a term paper for Civil War and Reconstruction, a comparison paper for Mongol Conquests, a comparison/research paper for American Modernism, and two book reviews for Georgia History. Guess how many I've started...NONE! Ha. And I can't even bring myself to care at this point. Bah.

Quote for the day:

"Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God-damn door? It's much better to face these kind of things with a sense of poison rationality."--Panic at the Disco ("I Write Sins Not Tragedies")
*See, I'm even too lazy right now to look up a wise and thought-provoking quote and instead just pulled one from the song that happens to be playing on my iPod...

Sicky-time OVER!

2009-03-26T10:59:00.004-04:00

Yes! I finally got out of the hospital this morning. The first thing I did when I got home was take a real shower, so now I feel human again. My arm is going to be black and blue from the IV, but at this point, I don't even care. I'm just glad to be out of there. I've been told it's a chronic problem, though, so I should stay on a low-fat diet and get my gall bladder out as soon as possible.

American Idol last night...Adam was fucking amazing! When they showed him in the suit with no makeup and slicked back hair before the commercial, I went, "Oh, this is gonna be really bad." But he surprised me by being awesome. He gave me goosebumps. I liked Alison last night, too, but even though she was really good, her version of "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" didn't hold a candle to David Hernandez's version last season.

That is all. I have to go get all my ducks in a row for class tonight and go get my prescriptions.

Quote for the day:

"A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

Sicky-time part two

2009-03-25T20:00:00.003-04:00

Still in the hospital. My arm is getting sore where the IV is still in and I'm allergic to the tape, so my skin is a little irritated. I thought I was going to be able to go home today, but the doc came in and said they wanted to make sure my stomach could handle solid foods before they sent me home. Then the surgeon came in and said my enzyme levels were still slightly elevated, but that he still thought it was fine if I wanted to delay surgery to have my gall bladder out. My gall bladder has to eventually come out because I have a couple gall stones, one of which escaped and blocked the bile duct, which is what triggered my pancreas into overdrive. It passed, and the surgeon said an episode like this probably wouldn't happen again, which is why it's cool if I don't want to have surgery right away. Obviously, I chose to wait...I'm graduating in a month, for crying out loud! I've already missed almost a full week of school and I'll probably only be able to go to one class tomorrow. (Plus I'm going on vacation in May ^_^)

That's all for now...American Idol is on!

Top Ten...Reasons I Hate Being in the Hospital

2009-03-24T21:17:00.002-04:00

1. I'm allergic to the tape they use to keep the IV still.

2. The food sucks.

3. No Shower with the IV in.

4. Nothing to occupy myself with other than the tv.

5. Having to cancel plans

6. Having to wait hours for test results and doctors.

7. Being woken up every two hours at night so they can check my vital signs.

8. Crappy internet connection.

9. Having blood drawn 20,000 times.

10. ...Having to pee in a bucket-like contraption they put in the toilet.

Sicky-time

2009-03-24T10:16:00.004-04:00

Well...I'm in the hospital. I've been having pretty serious pain in my stomach since Saturday, so Mom took me to the ER on Saturday night...the doc pushed on my stomach a little, then said it was my ulcer and prescribed me Nexium. Unfortunately, that didn't help at all. From then on, I couldn't keep anything down. I was even throwing up water. So, stupid me decided I was still okay enough to drive the 300+ miles back to college...bad idea. I felt like I was going to die by the time I got here. I went to the infirmary and they were horrified that the ER didn't run any blood tests, so they recommended that I go to the ER here in Dahlonega, which is what I did. I got here at about 2 pm yesterday afternoon and they did a urinalysis and some blood tests and discovered that I have pancreatitis...every time I eat or drink something, my pancreas over-produces digestive enzymes and actually starts digesting itself, leaving it more inflamed and irritated than before. They admitted me to the hospital last night at around 10:30 and I'll probably be here for the next couple days. I'm hooked up to an IV, which is giving me all my medicines and all my nutrients (I'm not even allowed to put ice chips in my mouth). So all I have to do for the next couple days is school stuff, because you can be sure I can't procrastinate here...there's nothing to distract myself with except CSI re-runs that I've seen a million times!

Quote for the day:

"Be patient, my soul: thou hath suffered worse than this." -- Homer

Never really realized how boring I was...

2009-03-21T13:39:00.002-04:00

...until I started filling out an application for Big Brother 11. Really, I'm going through these questions and thinking, yeah, never gonna get picked to go on this show. I've never been arrested, don't lose my temper that often, get along with my parents, never had a restraining order issued against me or had one issued against anyone else...I don't do drugs or get drunk every weekend. I do have snakes as pets and I have three tattoos...I'm clinging hopefully to that. lmao.

I was just listening to the alt. nation channel on Sirius and wondering who the hell picks the music they play...most of it is not even remotely alternative. So I start flipping through the rest of the music channels...and it seems to be the day for sucky music. I'm now listening to Pink's "Sober" because it's the only decent thing on. Sad.

Quote for the day:

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell the truth." -- Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

Script Frenzy

2009-03-18T21:01:00.002-04:00

I just signed up to do Script Frenzy 2009 in April. I really don't know what I'm thinking...I have 3 major research papers due in April. Then again, I've always been a little crazy. :-P

Watching the American Idol results show right now and hoping Scott or Michael go. I wouldn't mind if Megan or Kris went either. Loved loved loved loved Adam (after I was able to separate the song from the iconic Johnny Cash). The man is absolutely amazing...his range, his performances, his whole attitude!

Going out to eat with Andrew, Sarah, and Daniel tomorrow. Yay!

Okay, that's all. Here's a quote:

"Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth."--Pablo Picasso

Top Ten...Websites of the Moment

2009-03-17T17:46:00.002-04:00

1. Twitter -- www.twitter.com

2. Facebook -- www.facebook.com

3. PostSecret -- postsecret.blogspot.com

4. Plinky -- www.plinky.com

5. Fall Out Boy Trail -- http://www.friendsorenemies.com/cp/fobtrail/

6. Surf the Channel -- www.surfthechannel.com

7. MySpace -- www.myspace.com

8. Tokio Hotel International -- www.tokiohotelinternational.com

9. Yahoo!Groups -- groups.yahoo.com

10. NGCSU -- www.ngcsu.edu

Feeling a Little Sick...

2009-03-17T12:48:00.002-04:00

Whew, I really don't feel good. How is it that I don't have a problem with my damn stomach ulcer when I'm *actually* stressed at college, but as soon as I get home for spring break, it starts acting up? Grr. Plus, my back has been killing me from a combination of wearing heels for the first time in a loooonnnngggg while and the bed I sleep on at my parents' house. I feel like I'm falling apart...my whole body hurts from one thing or another.

Erin's kind of annoying me lately. The only time I ever talk to her is when she calls to ask if I'll proofread her papers. Every time I call just to talk, she's either busy, with Andy, or she doesn't answer the phone. I'm tired of being the only one making an effort. Something's gotta give...

I was supposed to go hang out with Sarah and Andrew today, but Sarah, once again, cancelled our plans. I'm getting tired of that, too. If you knew you were going to have to do something else, don't make plans in the first place! Makes sense, right?

Wow, maybe I should have titled this post "Complaints"...

Anyway, quote for the day is:

"There is always a choice. When we say there's no choice, we're just comforting ourselves about the decision we've already made." -- Cassandra Claire, The Draco Trilogy

Top Ten...TV Shows

2009-03-15T11:04:00.003-04:00

1. NCIS

2. American Idol -- Go Adam!

3. Smallville -- Even though I haven't had time to watch it this season at all...

4. The Hills

5. The City

6. Lost -- Even though I've only seen the first season. I'm slowly but surely working my way through them.

7. CSI -- The original Vegas show, with Grissom.

8. Deadliest Catch

9. Color Splash

10. Designed to Sell

Crazy Dream

2009-03-15T10:56:00.003-04:00

So...I had a dream featuring Trey last night. It was my birthday and apparently, I wanted to spend my birthday outside playing baseball (that's ludicrous enough...my birthday is at the beginning of August and I live in South GA, where it's hot enough to cook eggs on the sidewalk in August). Anyway, we were getting ready to play and I see Trey walking by and he sees us and comes over, but doesn't say anything before starting to leave again. So I go over there and ask him what his problem is, and he says that I'm being weird. I say that I haven't seen him in forever, so how can I be acting weird? He doesn't answer, so I ask him to stay and hang out with us. There's a bunch of smaller kids there and he's really good with them while we're playing baseball...then I woke up.

I'm not sure I like the implications of this dream. Trey, while he's a nice guy, is not someone that I hang out with on a regular basis and is not someone I want to involve myself with. We had some serious drama a couple years ago that I really don't want to repeat. I have to think about this one for a while...just had to get it down in black and white before I forgot it.

Top Ten...Favorite Books

2009-03-14T02:19:00.002-04:00

1. Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert -- Out of the entire series (including the prequels), this is my favorite. It's not as philosophical as some of the later ones, so it's relatively easily understood the first time through. Also, Paul Muad'Dib has always been my favorite character in the Dune universe and this one focuses on him.

2. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien -- I can't even say how many times I've read this one...and contrary to popular belief, it was meant to be all one book. It's full of such vivid descriptions and the character development is amazing as well. Plus, it's an epic story that will never get old.

3. Angels and Demons by Dan Brown -- This is the "first" Robert Langdon adventure. It's the prequel to The Da Vinci Code, but IMO, it's a much better storyline. It amazes me how much research Brown puts into his novels, and this is no exception. I literally read this entire book in one sitting, that's how well it drew me in.

4. The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan -- It's the first book in Jordan's Wheel of Time series and, like the Dune series, they get pretty heavy/philosophical as they progress. This one, though, introduces the world and is exciting all the way through.

5. Five Quarters of the Orange by Joanne Harris -- This one started out as required reading for my 20th century Europe class, but as soon as I started reading it, I knew it was going to be amazing. It tells the story of a woman who lived as a 9 year old girl in France during the German occupation in World War II. That year, including an event which drove her and her family out of their village, is told through flashbacks. The whole book is told in first person, which only makes it a more powerful story.

6. Mao II by Don DeLillo -- This one also started out as a required reading, but for my Contemporary American Lit class. It's postmodernist, and deals with themes like the media's relationship with terrorism, the group identity, and the fading away of the novel.

7. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown -- Even though Angels and Demons is better, this one is still amazing in its own right. I was drawn to this one partially because of the controversy that surrounds it, but the story kept me interested. It was another one that I couldn't put down.

8. Three Fates by Nora Roberts -- My mom recommended this book to me because I was taking a class in mythology at the time and the book is centered around the search for priceless statues of the Fates, three women who spun, wove, and cut the threads of mortal lives. The character development is great...there are six main characters and none of them felt incomplete. Plus, the story itself is exciting, with chases and murders and romance and what-have-you. :-)

9. Watchers by Dean Koontz -- I'm a big fan of most of Koontz's work, but this is far and away my favorite. It's got a bit of a sci-fi slant in that it centers around a dog with the intelligence level of a human and a monster bred for war, also with human-like intelligence, both of which were the results of secret governmental experimentation. The sci-fi element is tempered, though, by the stories of the humans that the dog finds himself with.

10. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte -- Without a doubt, this is my favorite classic. Heathcliff fascinates me...he's such an amazing character, despite his numerous personality flaws. The whole story, with its twists and tragedies, pulled me in.

Spring Break!

2009-03-14T00:52:00.000-04:00

I'm home for Spring break and let me tell you, it's really nice to get away from school for a little while. I never in a million years thought graduating college would be so stressful...and I don't mean deciding what I'm going to do afterward. I mean the actual process of getting ready to walk across the stage and get my diploma. So far, I've spent rather a large amount of money on my graduation fee, my cap and gown, my honor stole, and my invitations. Still to go is my honor hood. Of course, all of those things come with countless forms to fill out and having to deal with the craziness that is the college administration. Even though I have no idea what I'm going to do after college, and that worries me a little, after all this mess I'll be glad to be done anyway!

Back to Spring break, though...I'll probably spend most of it with family. We're a strange bunch...we don't seem that close to outsiders, but we are...we just show it in strange ways. :-P I think I'll probably hang out with some friends I haven't seen in a while, as well. I had a core group of really good friends in high school, but when we all went our separate ways for college, we kind of lost touch a little. Now, I'm lucky if I see Andrew a few times a year, and Josh less than that. Sarah and I are, of course, still best friends, but I don't even talk to her as much as I used to. I've completely lost touch with Morgan and Lena outside Facebook and Myspace. It's sad, because the six of us were pretty close in high school and I kind of miss that.

So...Spring break plans, other than hanging out with family...well, actually, there's not much on the agenda. Guitar Hero, of course. I'm already wearing my wrist braces because I aggravated my carpal tunnel playing GH from about 3 this afternoon to about 5, then again from about 8:30 to about 10. I'm telling you, it's like crack. lol. Have to address and send out my graduation invitations this week, too. I also brought home my books for my two research papers (both due in April), but I'm skeptical about actually getting any work done. I never seem to do anything school-related, even if I really should, when I come home.

It was a long drive back (315 miles!), in which several interesting things happened. I discovered that I still had enough money on a Starbucks gift card I got as a Christmas present to pay for my caramel macchiato addiction one more time...that was a pleasant surprise. Then, halfway home, it started misting. I can't even call it rain because it was too light. I hate mist, though, because my windshield wipers don't work right unless it's actually raining...all they do is smear the mist around and make it even harder to see. Then my driver-side window was fogging up, so I rolled it down to try to get some of the fog to go away. Well, then it wouldn't go back up. So I'm going through Baxley, laughing my ass off, trying to yank my window up with my free hand. It's totally not working, so I'm mashing the automatic window button and every five minutes or so, the window goes up about an inch. In the meantime, it's started to actually rain. I probably looked like a crazy person, driving down the road mashing at a button on my console and laughing my ass off as the rain is coming in my car from the wide-open window that's rolling up an inch every few minutes. Eventually, the window did go all the way back up, though, and I've vowed not to touch it again until I have the money to take it to a mechanic and get the window motor replaced. Funny stuff, there.

I guess that's all for now...time to get some ZZZ's. Here's a quote to ponder, by one of the most interesting Presidents we've ever had, IMHO:

"You must pay the price if you wish to secure the blessing." -- Andrew Jackson

Top Ten...Bands of the Moment

2009-03-12T21:47:00.004-04:00

1. AFI

2. Kill Hannah

3. Panic at the Disco

4. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

5. Tokio Hotel

6. My Chemical Romance

7. Fall Out Boy

8. Blaqk Audio

9. Depeche Mode

10. The Killers

Oh, the Junk!

2009-03-12T21:08:00.003-04:00

It's amazing to me how I accumulated so much stuff in two years. Seriously. When I moved to Dahlonega for college, I was able to fit everything I was bringing with me into my little car. Now, as I'm preparing to move back home, I'm having to take things home in shifts because there's no way in hell all my junk will fit into my car in one trip. I've already taken one carload home, and I'm taking a break from packing stuff up for the second trip. I think now I'm good, though, because my parents are driving up for my graduation, so I can fill my car AND theirs when we leave. :-)

Spring Break has officially started for me. I got out of my last class for the week at 6:30 this evening, so I'm leaving tomorrow morning. It's not like I'm going anywhere exciting or anything...just back to South GA to spend the week lazing around my house and/or hanging out with friends I haven't seen in WAY too long. And playing Guitar Hero, because that's totally all I'm going to do. I'm taking home massive amounts of books to do my research papers for Civil War and for Twentieth-century Europe, but I don't know why, because the drum set for GH: World Tour sits next to the tv, tempting me all day!

Let's end this post with a quote, because I'm a quote-whore ^_^...

"If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic"--Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

Top Ten...Songs of the Moment

2009-03-12T00:16:00.001-04:00

1. "10 More Minutes" -- Kill Hannah

2. "Transference" -- AFI

3. "Kennedy" -- Kill Hannah

4. "Reden" -- Tokio Hotel

5. "In die Nacht" -- Tokio Hotel

6. "Common Reaction" -- Uh Huh Her

7. "What a Catch, Donnie" -- Fall Out Boy

8. "Morningstar" -- AFI

9. "From Now On" -- Kill Hannah

10. "Welcome to the Black Parade" -- My Chemical Romance

In which I tell you way more about me than you probably wanted to know...

2009-03-11T23:53:00.003-04:00

Hi! I'm Heather. I'm a 21 year old college senior, about to graduate with a Bachelor of Arts degree in History, with a minor in English. I have no idea what I'm going to do after college, which is a bit of a problem, since I only have a little over a month to decide. I'm blonde-haired and blue-eyed...I'm also short, which I love.

I'm very "type-A." I like being organized and on time (actually, I'm usually early). I hate it when people are late! I'm definitely a list-maker and I like keeping to a schedule. My extreme procrastination doesn't really seem to fit with that, but I make it work. :-)

I love music. I don't think I could go a day without listening to my iPod, which travels everywhere with me. Seriously, it's always within reach. People usually goggle at me when I tell them my music library is over 1700 songs. I also love going to concerts, but seeing as I'm a poor college student, I don't get that many opportunities.

I've been told I'm pretty closed-off. It's hard for people to read me, and as a consequence, I don't have a massive amount of friends. I have a few really close friends that I couldn't live without, but not too many casual friends. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't like people prying into my life. It's not the result of some major trauma from my past or anything...I've just always been the kind of person that suspects the worst from people.

I absolutely love my immediate family, even though I can't stand to be around them sometimes. I'm way too much like my mother for my own good and I love my younger brothers and my stepdad even though I get annoyed with them on a regular basis. We're not very affectionate with each other, which probably stems from the fact that we're all rather suspicious of others' motives. Outside my immediate family, as sad as this sounds, I could do without most of my family.

College is honestly the most important thing in my life right now. I feel like I'm always studying or reading or writing a paper or doing a project. I love my school and my professors (mostly) and my classes (mostly), and if I could stay a college student for the rest of my life, I totally would. I complain about it a lot, but I really do love going to class and learning.

I love writing, even though I'm not very good at it. I also love to sing and read. I'm a pretty solitary person, and I'm totally okay with being by myself. I get tired of being around a lot of people pretty quickly. That doesn't mean I don't know how to have a good time, though. :-P

Some of my other loves are: dragons, books, good movies, Japanese food, driving, the Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta, the beach, black nail polish, tattoos (both the feeling of getting them and the final result), Twitter, Facebook, margaritas, candles, and flip-flops

Some things that never fail to annoy me are: hypocrites, bad drivers, feet, brussels sprouts, Miley Cyrus, terrible books (a la "Twilight"), random phone calls in the middle of the night, people who are late, and the cold